'I know the words to Candle in the Wind... but it don't make me Elton John'

A wonderful opening soundbite from the great man himself, and so begins a new series seeking to appoint another village idiot to run an arm of Sir Alan's business empire. It seems with each new season that the bunch of motley, would-be apprentices become more retarded, which makes watching their antics all the more enjoyable. Last year I made several predictions about the candidates before the series began and I got pretty close with a few of them. Here's my take on the latest mob:

Most hot: Kate Walsh *wolf whistles*
Most annoying: Howard Ebison
Most likely to win: Philip Taylor
Most entertaining: Majid Nagra
Most bitchy: Debra Barr
Most likely to be fired next: Nooral Choudhury

Business strategist, Anita, was the first to go. After spending almost all of the available budget within the first hour of the task the poor lass mounted a minor celebration, seemingly oblivous to the fact that the team would have to raise £197 just to break even. Not sure what she learnt on day one of Business Strategy class? Last time I cleaned a car, around the age of 10, I used a bucket, some hot soapy water, a sponge, a chamois leather and a bottle of Turtle Wax - probably a shade over a fiver for that lot. Forget the interiors, arm 8 people with that gear and ask them to go out and clean and polish 10 cars at £5 a go and you've got a £360 profit. Once again, I'm flabbergasted at the idiocy of these so-called high-flyers and look forward to more eye-poppingly incredulous task-bungling from these buffed, suited, 110% losers.